As most of you know, I have boy/girl twins. They will be four in September. Yup, FOUR and I am sitting here still discussing potty training. It is my biggest raising-toddlers-nightmare.
I am much older than my brother and sister, so it was not that long ago that my mom was potty training them. In fact, one of my most vivid memories of it was my mom begging: “All mommy wants is for you to be potty trained! Please!” I thought at the time: “Hmmm…this is really stressing her out. Not her usual parenting style. This must not be easy, this whole potty-training thing.” I apparently was very easy to train (of course I love to point that out to my siblings – I tell them it clearly shows I am much smarter than they are). I wondered who my kids would take after.
Clearly not their momma.
I began my potty training venture kind of slowly. I was of the mindset that when they are ready, they will start. No pressure. No pushing. Take it in stride, momma. It will all happen in good time. (Not sure where this hippie, zen-like attitude came from. Probably fear. Yes, definitely fear.) When they were 2 1/2, I had to find daycare/preschool for two days a week. I found a great preschool that started at 2 but they HAD to be potty trained. That was March 2011. I found another great, albeit much more expensive, school that would take them NOT trained. Great! My can-do attitude was working! Fast forward a few months to September. A week before they turned three, Delaney tells me she is DONE with diapers and only wanted to wear panties. So help me God, the girl never looked back. Besides a few constipation issues with her, she was totally trained in a few days. Never even had an accident. And she never needed to be asked or reminded – she just went. I smugly tell myself – “Haha! My laid back approach paid off! She was so easy to train! And peer pressure will rear its ugly head and Cooper will be trained by Thanksgiving! Yahoo! No more diapers AND a cheaper school? Momma can buy a new pair of shoes with all the money I will be saving!” Doing the happy dance to myself.
ROOKIE!
I swear I never learn. What is wrong with me? Cooper was not really showing interest, except for the half-dozen times he would randomly announce he was going to poop on the little potty. And he did! So I figured, hey, pooping is usually the hardest to overcome. If he is doing this, peeing is right around the corner!
ROOKIE!
Not only did peeing NOT come, the pooping in the potty stopped all together. I maintained my laid back approach, though. Finally, at 3 1/2 he was still using diapers. When my contract at work ended in March, I decided that was it. Underwear every day all day; diapers only at bedtime.
I have to admit, he was a little champ that first week. He had maybe 3 accidents the entire week. It took me 4 days to notice he hadn’t pooped during the day – only at night, the moment he got a diaper on. I asked him why he was not pooping on the potty. He said he did not want to, that he was scared. Again, I figured it would pass. Unfortunately, it did not pass, it only got to the point where he had to poop during the day, and would just go in his underwear. After a week of that, I could not take it any more, and I put him in pull-ups. He could still pee on the potty, but if he pooped I would not be throwing away all of the underwear. Win-win, right? He will poop when he is ready, right?
Not yet! My laid back approach is quickly fading and being replaced with impending doom and panic. The summer camp I wanted to sign them up for will not take them if they are not potty trained, so now camp is out. I thought maybe that would give him the push, but it has not. I bought him a much-coveted SpiderMan mask. I showed it to him and told him once he starts pooping on the potty every day and wearing big boy underwear, the mask will be his. STILL NOTHING. It has been three months now. Did you all catch that? Three months.
Does anyone have any suggestions, words of wisdom, potty secrets??? Anyone? Bueller?
I’m sure anything I would say had probably already been tried….I use to hold my sons hand when he had to poop..other than that, I told him no preschool if he cant go potty and he did it (1 week prior to school starting). We are working on the whole standing and going. It was easier to train him sitting like his sister.
Sue – I sat on the floor while he pooped in the potty, and he sobbed hysterically the whole time, clinging to me. It has been torture!
I can relate to your frustration. My daughter needed pull ups at night until she was 7 because she sleeps so soundly, she WOULD NOT wake up on her own to use the bathroom. My husband and I, for several years, took turns through the night getting up with an alarm to “wake” her up enough to walk to the bathroom. It was awful. We were perpetually exhausted.
Then, magically, she was either making it through the night dry or would wake up on her own. Literally, the whole situation resolved itself over the course of 24 hours.
Clearly, it would be so much easier to just be able to implement A Solution and move on with your happy little life…in your case, stop throwing away undies…but the truth is, as you already are well aware, more often than not stuff like this is really more of a stumble around in the dark, stubbing your toe every 5 seconds. It’s a hot mess.
To be honest, this sounds like a great time to have cozy little chat with your pediatrician if you haven’t already. He/she will likely have some good tips for you. Maybe hearing “Use the crapper, son” coming from his doctor instead of his Mommy will be just the thing.
Heather – we have had the pediatrician talk to him twice already. No go. Stubborn little shit. No pun intended. Ha!!!
Well our little one just turned two so we are just getting our feet wet with this whole potty training business. I have heard that the pooping part can be difficult and it’s not uncommon for them to be “scared” of it. Not sure how that’s going to go for us either.
Good luck Shayna! My daughter had zero interest until right before she turned three. I hope your experience is better than mine!
I’m not going to lie (I was tired of the poopy underwear) and held my son on the toilet when I knew he had to poop (it sounds terrible, I know). I wanted to show him there was nothing to be afraid of (except maybe mommy… LOL) when it came to pooping in the potty. Thankfully after a few times he realized it wasn’t that bad and started going.
I think the Zen approach may work for you – my mom was told when potty training my sister and I that “no child goes to kindergarten with diapers in their lunch box”. Reward him when he goes and keep your patience when he doesn’t.
New FB follower from the blog hop
http://lifeexperienceneeded.blogspot.ca/
Amanda – thanks for stopping by! I did that once – held him on until he went. He sobbed hysterically, holding my face next to his. I thought that was the tipping point, but that was two months ago!
I will check out your blog!!
Found you on the blog hop! I feel your pain. My oldest was bribed with a sticker chart and a poo-poo basket filled with prizes for when he pooped. My youngest is going into preschool in the fall and wants nothing to do with it. We tried the stickers, an M&M after pee, 3 M&M’s after poo and of course the poo-poo basket. Nothing has worked. I tried Underwear and without anything (he peed on the carpet and the leather couch). I hope you find something that works! My sister in law only let her middle child watch TV while sitting on the potty–no TV otherwise and it seemed to work well. Good luck! (Please let me know if you find the secret because I could use it too!)
Sarah@ http://www.DailyMesses.com
Sarah – If I can find the secret, I will shout it from the rooftop. Or at least from my family room. And my blog. Once he decides to do it, I will be posting!! And thanks for stopping – I will check out your blog!
Okay here is my advice- follow the laid back method. I tried full on pushing when Hayley was 2.5 and she totally did not want to do it. It turned into her having to take laxatives because she refused to poop. I let it go and all of sudden, one day at 3 years and 2 months, she decided to go poop and pee-pee on the potty (sorry if TMI) and that was it! She was done-fully trained during the day and at night. Had one accident in the last six months. Come link this up if you like:)
I will definitely be linking up.
Once he started peeing on the potty and developed the fear of pooping, he was not pooping at all. So we have already gone the laxative route. He keeps saying he does not know how to poop on the potty. If I tell him to sit on there, or if he already is, he full on panics if I tell him to try to poop. He is almost four — and the school he will be going to in the fall requires he is potty trained. Grrrrrrrr….
I’m all for the laid back approach. And a little bribery. Chocolate buttons worked for my little one. Good luck!
Popping in from TGIF blog hop
Catherine – thanks for stopping! I have tried the bribery thing. Apparently he doesn’t want anything bad enough!
Hi, there saw your reply on my recipe and stopped over at you site. Ok, I’m potty training as we speak. My oldest who is 5 now, didn’t do it till she was 3, we tried to make her around 2 but this stressed her out and in turn she began sucking her thumb at the age of 2 for 2 years. So, when my youngest daughter turned 2 we were taking the laid back approach too. Now she is turning 3 tomorrow, we started about a week ago. We put her in underwear, set the timer for 20 minutes and took out the little potty. She just sat and peed on herself. I was getting frustrated, step two no underwear, no pants just letting it all hang out. This worked she has been pooping and peeing in the potty for a good 4 days now. I don’t know if you tried this method, but my other friends have to and it has worked.
Trina – thanks for the advice! We tried the undies and that worked for peeing but he would poop in them. If he has nothing on at all, he will try to hold the poop in – which has led to disasters! For now, I guess I am going to just let it go. I don’t know!
Thanks for stopping!
Oh – I’m having flashbacks from potty training my older two right now! YIKES! Luckily I only have one left to go – I might wait until he’s 5
You were one of the most-clicked links at last week’s #findingthefunny. We’re featuring you tomorrow, and pinning this!
Thanks for linking up!
Anna – I will send him to your house. Maybe he will welcome a change?
Thanks for letting me know about tomorrow. You know I will be linking every week!!
Jessi
Wow, you have truly tried everything. And kudos to you for that. There are so many parents out there that would have just thrown in the towel because this potty training thing is hard work. As a social worker and the mom of a 15 year old and a 2 year old who is in the process of training, I can empathize. My oldest was super easy to train, I don’t even remember having difficulty with night time training. But my youngest…well that’s another story. She thinks the potty is fun to sit on, but then prefers to stand up and pee on the floor. However, she does a much better job for the daycare provider. Maybe it’s because mommy is too easy or because she sees the other kids using the potty at daycare, who knows. I just know she tells my provider when she has to go and she goes in and sits on the potty and even pees in it there. I know you have no reason to utilize childcare, but maybe having someone else giving him instruction or urging him on is the key for your son.
Tara – no, he has been in daycare and preschool for the past year and a half! And in the fall, he was pooping and peeing for them. Then it all stopped until 3 months ago when I tried again. He will pee but not poop. And now the past 2 weeks he is not peeing either! He keeps telling us he wants to be a baby. I am ready to cry.
[...] – Tie – Potty Training: Epic Fail Pink Owl [...]
Found you via Finding the Funny. Absolutely no good advice to share b/c I am in the throes of this horrible beast too, BUT love that I am not alone in my “epic fail”! Though I sincerely wish for your success soon too–this is not easy!
Hi Meredith! Okay, let’s decide to be potty training buddies. If I get ANYTHING to work, I promise to tell you first & not sell my secret
to the media.
Thanks for stopping by and I will be sure to check yours out!
Jessi
I’m sorry to say I can so relate. My son, who just turned 5 in March, wasn’t trained until age 4 and a half, and even now pooping is an issue. He only goes about twice a week and gets so impacted that when he has to go it is literally about the size of his arm and very painful. He has been to a GI specialist and actually been to therapy about it. Our therapist gave him a book called “It Hurts When I Poop” which helped a little. It’s getting better very slowly. Good luck!
Stephanie – that is my fear. Maybe I should get the book now!
Stephanie – I bought the book & two others. I will keep you posted.
We resorted to bribery. My son did NOT want to use the potty, but he DID love jelly bellies candy. Eventually, in a fit of desperation, my husband and I decided that henceforth (and until he was totally potty trained) candy would be ONLY for use of the potty. One jelly belly for #1, and THREE jelly bellies for #2. No other candy at all, under any circumstances. If the kid wanted candy, there was only one way to get it.
Avarice works.
Admittedly, I had to deal with my son going to the bathroom nine times a day, often in a futile effort to squeeze out enough to qualify for a jelly bean…but within a couple of weeks he figured it out.
He was terrified of the poop thing too, btw. Not sure why that’s so scary for boys, but all my friends with boys report the same issue. Candy worked in our case – apparently his love of sugar exceeded his fear of the john.
Susan – I have tried every type of bribery. I promised him ANYTHING from the toy store, bought him a SpiderMan mask so he actually sees something tangible; bought big M&M tubes – nothing. I feel like I have the most stubborn little boy alive.
ha I feel your pain. I know it. sounds crazy there is a video called “its potty time”from the 80.s but it. work good luck.
I feel your pain. My daughter was/is very stubborn too.When I first started training her, she would sit on the potty(just to pee) for over 45 min.I would be on the floor next to her reading books..etc. She would keep saying she didn’t have to go.The minute I put her down from the potty she would pee on the bathroom floor!!! AAArggggggg This happened on so many occasions(just the control issue – “you can’t make me” kinda thing)I was close to tears on so many occassions. All this struggle only to pee. It was not like she was not ready, she was fully capable of telling us, she just chose to do whenever she wished. Poop was another whole new story, she went poop in the potty a few times, then all of a sudden refused to go in the potty, & only went in her underpants(thanfully she didn’t hold it) but we still had our share of constipation & laxatives – it wasn’t too bad. I just kept at it for months, she finally was Ok with peeing in the potty, but that happened every 15 min. She had to go every 15 min. I couldn’t take her out anywhere without her screaming bloody murder that she had to go even if it was 5 min ago.(ok getting off topic – took a while to get over that issue) Anyways one day out of the blue magic happened – we were at a friends house for a playdate & she saw her friend who was the same age as her(who was fully trained by then) on the potty. That did it – peer pressure. She came home & pooped in the potty just like her little friend. After a few hiccups it went well.I could always say “oh but you friend ….” thats all it took to work. Hopefully you will find you magic solution soon.
Potty training was a nightmare with her. With my son(I was dreading it, but showed signs he was ready & was trained within a week(at age 2) phew!!) Good luck!!! Keep us posted.
I will for sure! Yesterday I was near tears because we had an all out battle of the wills. He won. He broke my spirit and still is not trained!
Oh, man, I wish I did. I can’t even remember exactly how mine came to be potty trained. I have two boys and they weren’t potty trained until after they were 3, but that is about all I can remember! I know I tried lots of stuff and no “one thing” worked, you know? I hope he poops on the potty soon!!
(Thanks for linking this up to #findingthefunny a couple of weeks ago! Sorry I am such a loser and just now reading it.)
Kelley – you are not a loser -I appreciate you reading ANYTIME! I just got a new job so I will be blogging a bit less these next few weeks during crazy training. But I love your blog!!
Jessi